I started writing this on June 21st 2026. On tube commutes, late at night, first thing after breakfast, in the bath, at the park, and on the toilet. Shifting perspective is processing; the inevitability of change, like the seasons, is constant. Most ego projections, beliefs and constructs shift too. Accepting myself as an active observer, whilst navigating this Babylon system, is rest.
The bathroom was my first physical space of rest. Architecture impacts our ability to tune into ourselves. It’s by design. I was born in London, a city, but from Dominica, all nature, and there is a tension, one I feel regularly. Space to focus inward on “I’m tired”, “hungry” or “dehydrated” physical confessions, too tangible to ignore. I conduct regular self-experiments, finding symbols for the dietary, hormonal and habitual. Toilets, baths and showers are grounding. Somatic anchors are important, listening to your bodily functions, witnessing stress, emotions stored as tension, and sensing inflammation, which if ignored, becomes pain, an early warning for dis-ease soon to surface.
Curiosity is my inner child’s act of rest. “Why”’ is a clarifying question, often received as a call to war. Little Niq needs clarity of intention, to build systems to match. Saying “I don’t know” is too uncommon, like accountability when harm is caused. I learned the hard way, that words, gestures, facial expressions and energy shifts write part of a bigger story; one that causes confusing assumptions. I manifest from the imagination regularly, transforming chaos into systems with no blueprint, building visions within cultures which gratify the pretense of certainty, and outcome driven rigidity, which is tough, in every industry. I thrive on intuition and iteration knowing the path becomes clearer after walking it, and know that historical data is a useful collection of failures that help reassure us what is safe to do next and what could become possible. I tend not to choose to skip the pilot phase and risk trauma, not all people understand this level of care, so I often end up somewhere in between, creating trojan horses to satisfy fears when taking the first step, and thorough risk mitigation planning as the path to flexibility. Over-explaining is draining, especially when apathy has consumed a culture. Not everyone wants radical empathy and connection. My spirit is kind, not nice, and is forced to interrogate all of the assumptions, the answers are found in the “why”. Rest, in the small pockets of reciprocal reflection.
Accepting my hypersensitivity is rest. I feel everything, deeply, particularly unkindness. Hypervigilance happens in rooms that are allergic to intersectionality. Injustice is visceral. Disentangling the body’s response from trauma, and being selective with where I place my energy, is heavy, intentional work; it’s subconscious somatic study and non linear; it’s patient, kind and an inner knowing that builds trust. I archive this as doodles, poems, articles, captions and stories for future me, to rest. Healing is a spiral; a blueprint to dream with, is rest.
Redefining neo-colonial, capitalistic expectations is rest. Writing helps: sticky notes, to-do lists, calendars and brain dumps into endless notebooks, voice notes and videos, to remember. There’s something about making the intangible tangible. I also realised I don’t “overthink”; I think ahead. Time blindness, object permanence, overstimulation, delayed interoception, our nutrition, sleep hygiene and hormones impact US, heavily. My brain is a weaver, I see things in triangulation, as data collection. Slowing down to my womb and nervous system’s pace is critical, particularly in my luteal and menstrual phase. Body doubling is asking for help, accountability, and rest, in community.
Cremating the ego, survival, coping version of me, is rest. I care deeply and look after myself. Now. I question everything I think I know, challenging “impossible”, interrogating “normal”, and accepting that somewhere after heteronormative, Eurocentric indoctrination’s one-size-fits-all “right” way is a capacity to live as fluctuating sovereign humans. Capricorns love systems and long-term plans; we are successful, by this world’s standard, until attributing high-functioning* achievements at my detriment of life force is unfulfilling. I surrender to spirit, reframe my nurture, honour my nature, remember authenticity without masking*, proving or pushing. Presence with detachment is play, fully alive, and accepting being alien, to rest.
I am a lovergirl, and self-love is rest. Knowing the plan is not sacred, manifesting with the discipline attached , rest. Knowing that like music we improvise, create rhythms, and need to dig in deep archives for the right sample for something new. For me, Neurodivergence is allowing many ways through. Rest for me is resigning from the idea of perfection. It’s in the “thank you for your patience” without the apology, the “I do not have capacity”, or “I think we should go down a dose” and insisting, before the “I’m giving my body the time to recover” and saying “No”. For anyone also finding their rituals: check your shoulders by your ears, your trembling leg, your tightened hips/back, your heavy bleeds. Listen to the whispers before your spine surrenders to horizontal access only. I believe in prevention, burnout intervention and committing to deepening a loving relationship, to rest.
I returned to this article in September, then October with a hard deadline of my 2nd diagnosis anniversary 31.10.24. Endings have always been difficult for me, framing it as reflection to implement alone feels like an opportunity. Revision in my life has been constant like my evolving understanding of my ADHD and whatever co-occurring things I eventually excavate.
There is grief in revising the self you created to survive especially when the world reinforces trauma’s core beliefs. Reality is, even when my kidneys were inflamed I chose to hold others as a headteacher who now had other inner children who needed a home. I no longer hold that saviour complex which came from deep wounds being born in the UK. I chose nature. Divergence for real for real, being, Fanm Djok, Fanm Dlo, Fanm Mystiq, a polymath, an ADHD Babe, Mwen Pa Nòmal!
I was enmeshed in the cocoon of a hammock in Martinique, living in a home better than the one I drew in my journal, a 60-second walk from the Caribbean Sea. A ferry away from Wai’tukubuli aka Dominica where LaTouche, Fontaine and Kalinago parts of myself finally started making sense under Isulukati waterfall. Water is important, the rain, even in England, is rest. A blessing. I love animals, it is mutual. Music, especially live, is rest. Dancing and singing in community, look at rest. Finding your mother tongue, with mother wounds and chosen family to soothe, is rest. To co- soothe Gwo Pwel and find mirrors in your sesés, people who let you find ease after hyper independence . To know we are all finding our rhythms, tribe and accepting ourselves in our newfound capacities, rest.
Allowing yourself to be held is not easy, surrendering core beliefs, protective behaviours, figuring out that healing is in everything and releasing and embracing self love , trusting your ability to hold yourself, whilst knowing help is available is rest. Learning to receive help, with our guards down and nervous system at rest takes time and sometimes we need to return home to ourselves in therapy to rest.
I landed in Dominica 16th of September 2026, me to speak Kwéyòl, visit the natives, my family’s land, and be held by nature. Some things the ego cannot explain, but L’Escalier Tête Chein, a serpent myth of a water and land animal etching itself also sounded like that of my Capricorn in astrology. I saw a sign saying “disability is not inability” at the top of my road with the Kalinago people. I visited Isulukati special school and wow. My nature is in my people and neurodivergence was a call home, when my spirit could hold on no longer here. A pull to focus.
Rest is being the villain if it means boundaries, being the bitch if it means you’re treated with respect, being the polymath even if they don’t understand how you do it all. Mwen Pa Nòmal, let them think you’re different, you are far from a normal babe. Be you, loudly, proudly, and passionately. Burn bridges with anyone who is not capable of revising their relationship to the true you you’re becoming, and fire for those who don’t care enough to be curious about you. Bun dem, tribe is coming, I promise you.
A mumu’s inner work is not yours to carry. Put it down and rest.
An exercise for re-membering:
FIRE to release: Please write a list of what you’re shedding, and safely burn it with a candle for our sacred rage. Say “Bun Babylon” and “wee” for your inner child. A firework on December 31st, my birthday with a #BunBabylonWee will be an annual tradition I’ll look out for online.
WATER to remember: Pour some water, speak over what you’re calling in , then drink it as a symbol to process your grief. Remember you have a place within a global body of water ready for collective action.
EARTH to build: Write three words you’re calling in on a small piece of recyclable paper, or a leaf, and bury it in the earth. Let nature silently grow foundations.
AIR to reset: Take a deep inhale through your nose inflating your belly for 4, hold the inhaled air looking up toward your third eye for 4 (witness but don’t judge your thoughts, likely present), breathe out for 8 and empty the lungs with a squeeze which feels like wringing yourself from the inside. Do this as many times as your nervous system needs (I do 3 with an affirmation on the third) to come back to baseline when Babylon tries you, that will decrease, in time.
I finished this on the 31st of October 2026.
My Warrior anniversary, in ADHD Awareness Month, in UK Black History Month , on Samhain aka Halloween.
Mwen Pa Nòmal, I knew this.
The Western world, SLOW.
I had to get diagnosed, as a form of protection, in a crisis.
Since then, I have poured into myself, choosing with boundaries what is worth my energy. What is worth my time, my headspace, my love, my care , my kindness. What is worth my radical empathy to the limits I could pour life force for? It boils down to this, what is worth my life? Mission: Stress eradication, rage is internal fire. I have cremated it all, R.I.P. to that girl, but gratitude nonetheless.
I need help to rebuild, so I rest, for me to be able to fight.
An Anniversary of Spiritual Nourishment:
Deep tissue massage, reflexology and bonus acupuncture to restore the meridians with Lui
A deeper one with Victoria Far from the Norm
M(other)land final invitations for 52 OGs +more
A last one standing battle a war my body isn't in
A Shibari date🪢 with pleasure and presence
Zouk for wee surrender🤠, we wasn't greedy
Article on Rest as Re-membering 31.10.26. (no deadlines, finishing lines, life lines. Care-full)
Hallowed Queen Yoga Retreat by firelight
Samhain Tarot & Tea 🧙🏾♀️at no.3 for the harvesting
Wicked Jam a no phones Soca fete with sesés
Karnival 2.0 my BBE 2017 debut, teaching it💙
Am I still fighting chronic pain, guilt, shame, anxiety, depression and rage from the constant grief ? YES.
Has my life drastically changed? YES, not to my detriment.
31.10.2024 is when my #ADHD warrior spirit, activated.
Grateful for this journey of resting to re-member.
Niquelle LaTouche 31.10.2026
My ADHD Rest Glossary:
High functioning - overdrive performance of an externally driven character that constantly appears productive and useful to an imaginary “normal”.
Masking - a survival technique reinforced by social systems. Suppression of your natural rhythm, stims, behaviours, and emotions to assimilate into the dominant ideological culture or system,to the detriment of your nervous system. Risking burnout.
Rest- remembering warrior blood with intentional actions, response-ability and decisions that centre sustainability, joy, pleasure, and agency, as the work.
Instagram:
Niquelle LaTouch @Niquelle_L
My company and Collective @ N_L_Arts/ @ITAVCollective
Websites:
If you’re more curious about me, I would love accountability for my debut book. Here’s medicine, toward the finish line.
Intrusive Thoughts (on the realities behind the mask ) https://youtu.be/nLxGAJBw9po?is=otQG5_L0d40QkeFT
The Shedding ( on somatic data pre-diagnosis) https://youtube.com/shorts/OJ1jbEtOqDY?si=mAqBkC9KsAzTzTEO
, which will feature in full in the upcoming ADHD Babes first collective book.
Substack (reflection community & material gratitude) https://open.substack.com/pub/niquellelatouche
ADHD Babes Podcast episodes I share more rest tools:
E55 Thriving as ADHD Entrepreneurs https://youtu.be/PSIzknsoha4?si=R-GSQqdd6h19TeQ8
E47 - Starting the New Year as an ADHDer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKFVH3M0U4A&t=1415s
E59 - I’m Not Lazy: I’m Racially Exhausted: ADHD & Racial Burnout https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_96Rynx6SqI&t=894s
About Niquelle
Niquelle LaTouche is an artist-educator and cultural producer invested in community cohesion, equity and creative collaboration. She advocates for cross-disciplinary, trauma-informed, inclusive practices which empower and shifts cultures. As the founder of Niquelle LaTouche Arts (2014) and It Takes a Village Collective (2020) she encourages radical empathy building, challenging normative ideas and proactive social change through a currency of care.
In short, a badgyal from Hackney whose Dominican ancestors guide her to shake institutionalised tables with radical acts of love.